Do you believe in yourself and how do you avoid self-sabotage? Use these 4 tips

Many people sabotage themselves without being aware of it. What exactly is self-sabotage? In short, it means getting in the way of your own happiness. It means keeping yourself small. The result is that you fail to achieve your goals and that you do not do what your heart is telling you to do. Once you recognise self-sabotage, you can stop and turn it around. Then you will be able to achieve your goals.

Examples of self-sabotage

You have something you really want to achieve. You have a clear goal, but you're getting in your own way. Your mind immediately attaches labels to negative events and your brain stores them. When you frequently experience this type of situation, you create a pattern, which in turn may become a defence mechanism. In other words, you act out of habit when similar events cross your path. That means your actions are not in line with what you actually want.

One example of self-sabotage is, staying in a relationship with a domineering partner for years. You hear countless times every day that you're not good enough. You internalise these projections until they eventually become your truth. In this way, you sabotage your success by keeping yourself small, and by limiting yourself in relationships.

Another example is starting a course and not completing it. You have in fact made several attempts and each time end up in the same vicious circle. You are self-critical and ask yourself why it's not working for you and you feel unsure of yourself.

Perhaps you're looking for a new job, but stop yourself actually getting one. Or you receive an unwanted response from your partner. That hurts and undermines you. Self-sabotage is a type of fear you don't want to face.

You can achieve anything.
Everything changes when you become stronger.
Changes can bring about uncertainty.
Let it go and believe unconditionally in yourself.

- Chantal van den Broek, coach

Why sabotage yourself?

Deep down you are convinced you are unworthy of being happy in a relationship, lack determination, or are undeserving of that longed for dream job. You are convinced you don't deserve any more than you already have. That's what your head does to you. Your body gives a signal, for example that you feel uncomfortable. Often, you hardly notice it. If self-sabotage is really getting in the way of your happiness (at work), relationships, or your personal growth then it's time to break your patterns once and for all.

Tips to stop sabotaging yourself

The 4 tips below will help you stop sabotaging yourself.

1. The first step towards your awareness is to recognise your self-sabotage. Look yourself squarely in the mirror. Write everything down.
2. Accept your fears and insecurities. Face your fears, feel them fully. What are those fears telling you? Dig deeper and do not avoid them.
3. Decide what you really want to achieve with your life. Leave your limitations for what they are.
4. Take action, however small the step. Go through your resistance and celebrate your personal success at every step. Your self-confidence will grow.

If you conquer your self-sabotage, you can embrace everything the world has to offer you.

Closer to yourself with personal and life coaching

Would you like to discover where you are sabotaging yourself? Read the books: 10 Steps to Overcome Domination and 10 steps to Amazing Happiness at Work. These books describe the EMPOWER model to give you more insight into your self-sabotage, and particularly how you can turn this around. These books complement each other and there's an implementation plan in the book: Amazing Happiness at Work to help you take the necessary steps to achieve your goals.

Personal, one-to-one session

Have you identified where you are sabotaging yourself but are still going around in circles? Plan a free personal one-on-one appointment with me. Together we will home in on your real core problem and I will tell you how many sessions you need to progress, rediscover yourself and face life confidently.

Read the reviews over personal coaching and be inspired →

Free intake session